Hello, reader.

Here I am again. After some time It felt good reaching out to you once more.

Today is a strange day. After a very long period I've managed to go out into the city on a Friday night (with a car though). Driving through the night city gave me weird sensations. Panic? Anxiety? What am I doing here? I want to be here? I don't want to be here? Memories of nights that I've spent walking in the street drunk and intoxicated with substances.

What can I say at the same time it's nostalgic and painful.

I want to go out but I'm afraid and that scares me.

Can't I be there once again? In that night life? Partying, living without headache just for one night? My mental state isn't letting me. It's not allowing me to get into that anymore.

Good and bad.

Bad and good.

Which one is which one I won't know because both of them give me mixed emotions.

By the way, line for the shrink is more than half year. Maybe after that I'll be able to go out once more with confidence and in a good way.

Thanks for reading and understanding me.

Hopefully it's not too much.